I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
