So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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