Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he puts the penis in happiness.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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