Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
