And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
