Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize