you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize