I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
