Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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