oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
