my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
love makes seman taste better
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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