I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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