Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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