I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
