All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
where am i from again
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
