She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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