I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize