I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
