as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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