Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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