I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
