It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
