The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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