You can't motorboat a personality
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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