it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
