I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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