Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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