Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
