you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
