He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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