so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
