Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
