Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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