I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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