oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
