In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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