I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
