; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
