FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
