I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
