Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
