shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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