STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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