i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
