i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
