so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Im part way to drunk.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
