people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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