I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
