I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
