I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
