she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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