So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
