The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
