if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Randomize
