i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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