I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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