I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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