between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
