You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
