He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
