That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
