So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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