We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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