Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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