The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
