dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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