Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
