can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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