get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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