are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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