Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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